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The
problem of in-laws is a universal problem in marriage. This
problem has scattered great number of
families. The problem has been cog in
the wheel of progress of great number of families. The husbands and
wives that
want their families to move forward must understand how to handle the
problems
of in-laws.
Causes of In-Laws’ Problems
Experience
has shown that the problem of in-laws is always between the
mother-in-law and
her daughter-in-law. Conflicts between other in-laws and the wife are
not
common and they are manageable. The following are the causes of the
conflicts
between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
1. Wife
competing with her mother-in-law for the favour and attention of her
husband.
2. Feeling
of insecurity by wife in facing her new roles.
3. The
mother-in-law being threatened of losing the object of her admiration
and means
of living.
4. Inability
of mother-in-law to express her feelings when offended by her
daughter-in-law.
5 Imposing
the values or ideas of the families of the parents-in-law on the new
family.
6. Inability
of the wife to bear children within 2 years of marriage.
How to Avoid In-Laws’ Problems
It
is better to avoid the problem of in-laws than to trying to remove or
cope with
it. If this problem is to be avoided, each party involved must play well
his/her part in the fear of God.
Advice
to Wife
If
you want to overcome in-laws’ problems as a wife, you must do the
following:
1. You must assure your
mother-in-law
of your loyalty to her, Ruth 1:10.
2. You must be comfortable
with the presence of your mother-in-law in your home, Ruth 1:16-17.
3. You should not be
selfish, Ruth 2:14-18.
4. You should be
hardworking and creative, Ruth 2:1-3.
5. You should maintain a
good and regular flow of communication with your mother-in-law, Ruth
2:19, 21.
6. You should accept her
godly counsels, Ruth 3:5-6. In case her
counsel is not acceptable, you should reject it gently and in love.
7. You should treat your
husband’s relations like your own relations.
8. You should be wise in
the way you relate with your husband in the presence of your in –laws.
Advice
to Mother-in-law
As
every woman aspires to see her grand children, it means we are all
praying to
be mothers-in-law. But if you want to have peace with your
daughter-in-law so
that you can have access to your grand children, you must take note of
the
following advice:
1. You should know the Lord
and hold on to Him in all situations, Ruth 1:16-17.
2. You should allow your
daughter-in-law to know your God through you, Ruth 1:16.
3. You should express your
gratitude to your daughter-in-law, Ruth 1:8-9.
4. You should act
selflessly towards her, Ruth 1:11-13.
5 You should not transfer
your bitterness to her, Ruth 1:20-21.
6. You should show interest
in what she is doing, Ruth 2:19.
Treat her as your own daughter who is in a learning process.
7. You should offer godly
counsel to her, Ruth 3:2-4. In
case she does not take your counsel, be patient with her.
Advice
to Couples
Avoiding
in-laws’ problems is a joint effort of both husband and wife. As a
couple, you
must observe the following points to allow peace to reign in your
family:
1. You must observe the
basic laws of marriage.
2. You must resolve the
conflicts between your spouse and your parents.
3. You must show
appreciation to parents of both sides.
4. You must have good
relationship with your spouse.
5. You must protect the
privacy of your marriage. You should not
expose your spouse’s weaknesses and mistakes to your parents.
6.You must resist
interference from their parents gently and firmly.
7. You must see and treat
the two families as one. You must do whatever you want to do for your
relations
jointly. However, you must avoid
hypocrisy and sentiment.
How to Cope With In-Laws’
Problems
In
some cases, all efforts to avoid in-laws problem may prove abortive. In such a case, as a virtuous wife you should
device a shock absorbing mechanism to cope with the problems. You should follow the Biblical principles as
highlighted below:
1. You must avoid
retaliation, Matt. 5:38-42; Rom. 12:19.
2. You must show love to
whoever that persecutes you, Matt. 5:43-48.
3. You must do well unto
everybody, Gal. 6:10;
Rom. 12:20-21.
4. You must always work for
peace with everybody, Rom. 12:18; Heb. 12:14.
5. You must control your
tongue, Eph. 4:29; Col. 3:8; James 1:19.
6. You must be prayerful,
John 14:13-14.
I
will conclude by advising husbands as follows: You must protect your
wife from
aggression from your relations. You must put your wife in her rightful
position
and stand by her at all times; and you must be watchful.
You must resolve any conflict between your
wife and your relations amicably as soon as it is noticed or as soon as
you are
informed.
Lady Evangelist Eunice O.
Ayodele is the
coordinator of Women in Winners Gospel Church and the Proprietress of
the
Landmark Nursery and Primary School, Ori-Okuta, Ikorodu, Lagos. Tel.
234-8024411384;
E-Mail: thecounsellor@marriagediscovery.org
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